How I Spent My Summer Vacation

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Here is the latest, sort of FAQ explanation.

Here is the heart sort of explanation that I wrote long, long before leaving:

I prefer telling this story in person, so until we have a thorough conversation about it, here is a poorly written explanation of what I’m doing this summer.

Winter quarter of junior year of college, I was burnt out. I was probably mentally, emotionally and spiritually unhealthy, I had low motivation and focus for school, and I wasn’t myself. At the time I was discerning between applying to two study abroad programs, both of which were in crazy places, studying macro-level and micro-level social change and development, one of which was even in the Philippines, my family’s home country. But I was stressed out about it, and it occurred to me that I wasn’t sure I could really be academically passionate and committed enough to really throw myself into either of those things. I also realized that something structured like study abroad wasn’t necessarily the way I wanted to spend time back in the Philippines. And then finally (with the help of a late-night conversation with a friend, it occurred to me that I could just take a quarter off.

I entertained the idea and it dreamed back at me. After many more conversations with friends and mentors and God, I discerned to travel around the country on my own, via Amtrak and Greyhound. I realized that what I really need to learn at this point in my life isn’t academic. I need to learn to trust myself and that I am affirmed by God. I need to learn to love myself. I need to feel empowered without relying on (and questioning) the praise of others. I need to learn to trust my gut and have faith in my own power to protect myself. I need to sever myself from structure to appropriately appreciate it again. And I need to learn about other parts of this country I was born in, because, scorn it though I may, it’s as much a part of the story I have to hold as the Philippines is.

I think I have wanted to do something like this for a long time, whether or not I knew it (see: Foreshadows). In time, I decided to visit intentional communities around the country. It’s something I’ve been thinking more about as a possibility for personal future life choices, but it was always a way to ensure I’d run into some passionate people—passionate about faith, passionate about humanity, passionate about living in a way that celebrates and positively puts forth their own individual gifts and power.

So your prayers and blessings and thoughts as I go about this external and internal journey would be very much appreciated, particularly for my family, who are indubitably worried about the baby daughter trouncing about like an urban nomad. Your e-mails (see the gray box on the front page) would also be very much appreciated. Your love is already appreciated.

love,

mary pauline